It’s interesting to note how not just our beliefs and ideas but our prejudices and annoyances are so very shaped by our past interactions with people. And our interactions with people now, today, are a source of growth if we approach those interactions not at face value (how they please or displease us) but what they say about us. Rarely do we look inside when we’re annoyed with someone; instead, we tend see the source of the annoyance “out there” and seldom dig further for the lesson and the growth behind it.
I was working with someone recently (let’s call her Mary) who related how irritating she found someone’s personality. I suggested to Mary that this woman (let’s call her Jane) was irritating not because of her personality per se, but because Jane mirrored something back to Mary—something within Mary that was unfinished business.
The behavior that irritated Mary had to do with inauthentic communication—how Jane lacked genuineness. You and I might interact with Jane, note that she doesn’t feel genuine, and shrug and move on. But, as I mentioned, Mary was really irritated by this. When we started to dig a little, Mary discovered that as a child her mother had a tendency to give her the silent treatment for things that Mary had in fact never done. To get her mother to act normal again required Mary to apologize for things she had never done or behavior she had never had. Her child self had to be inauthentic in order to restore the connection with her mother, and as an adult now, she had a strong judgment of inauthentic people.
In uncovering this fact, Jane proved to be a very useful person to Mary, because it gave Mary the chance to identify the issue, and then, using several different techniques that I draw upon intuitively, to heal her history with her mother. At this point the things that made Jane’s personality irritating didn’t matter any longer.
Mary’s experience is a perfect example of how situations and people that trigger something in us are opportunities to look not at the people but our reactions… and then experience healing, growth and significant personal transformation.
Do you have situations or people who are painful or irritating to you? Would you like help in uncovering what’s behind them and healing them fully? I am available to schedule appointments with you and use all the tools at my disposal to help you. For inquiries, please call 206.354.7090 or email firstname.lastname@example.org. Website: allpointshealing.com
Photo credit: Jsome1