Sometimes we feel like life is just happening to us instead of us making conscious choices. This—not making conscious choices—often leads to a different result than we want, and occasionally to unhappiness.
That was my situation a number of years ago. Back then I didn’t have time for myself or time for enjoyment. It was all about work, commitments, chores, keeping up the house, taking care of other people in my life, working, commuting… all of that with very little (if any) consideration for myself… just attempting to stay afloat. I was also trying to control others (the whole world, really) in an effort to achieve something better for myself. Needless to say, that doesn’t work. It took a very serious illness before I realized the concept that you have to change things within yourself and not control those around you. Then and only then did my personal experience became one of power.
I could see where I was holding a lot of anger and unhappiness just by letting life happen. I could also see that with different choices I could systematically reclaim my life. I looked at the choices individually and, for instance, I gave up a three-year relationship when I realized it wasn’t going to match my heart’s desires. That single decision meant ending the relationship, buying out my partner’s share of the home, having him and his three teens leave… all large changes, but just the tip of the iceberg in terms of the other things I had to put in place.
Often there’s fear when you’re considering making large changes like ending a relationship before another one comes along. It requires a great deal of courage to let go of things that have stopped serving you, to address the emotional pain and take the physical action that goes along with addressing the emotional pain. But these are areas of consideration and focus in the course of starting a significant healing process.
If you’re feeling stuck in how to engage life consciously, set aside five minutes to jot down items in the following lists:
- Focus on the positive. Write down what specifically is working in your life and what you would enjoy more of. How would more look and feel?
- What in your life has stopped serving you mentally, emotionally or physically? Next to each of these items answer the question: How does this reflect a chance to heal something inwardly? Often when we heal something within us, miraculously our physical experience of reality changes with our healing. Just today a client told me that she received a sweet note from her beloved. “The more I release the more love comes in.”
- What is keeping you from taking the steps to release what’s not serving you? Jot down ideas, no matter how irrelevant they may seem.
- Now that you know what’s keeping you from taking the steps, what steps can you take to have what your heart desires? Create little steps that make you feel like you’re moving forward without engaging or by healing the resistance you listed in step 3.
Whether it’s a major change like what I did or a smaller, more compartmentalized change, little by little as we’re able to embrace love, surrender our fear and take the necessary steps, happiness (which typically relates to an external environment) and joy (which typically relates to an inner state of being) become a greater part of our life. Contact Julie at 206.354.7090 should you need assistance with this process.