Release Judgment to Get More Out of Experiences.

In one of my group meditations someone once told me that she felt like she was new to the practice and hence had a harder time sensing where she was holding energy. After we were no longer in a meditative state, she asked me a question and when I was giving her feedback, I inquired, “Can you feel where you’re holding energy—here and here?”

“Well,” she replied, “I can feel it here. And it’s not that I don’t believe you, but I can’t feel it in the other spot.”

“Close your eyes and focus within.”

She did, and then she said, “Oh, I can feel it now.”

I thanked her for showing everybody that sometimes you may not be able to feel something with your eyes open, but in a deeper state of focus it’s a little bit easier. “It takes practice to increase your awareness and sensitivity,” I added.

Later I learned that she had concluded that she wasn’t “advanced enough” or “evolved enough” for my class. She was comparing herself against other people’s experiences or what they had been able to do, and judging herself for her supposed lack of perception… with all of the insecurity that went with that self-judgment.

To illustrate how this wasn’t about how “experienced” or “advanced” this woman was, in the same group there was someone else who’s extremely gifted, empathetic, and really able to feel things—yet later I learned she would often experience frustration because there’s a part of her that really wants to see the energy rather than just feel it. She was caught in the judgment that seeing energy was better than feeling energy.

The fact of the matter is that wherever we are, and whatever our experience is at any given moment, it is perfect, and anytime we get stuck in comparing ourselves with others, we step out of the magic of the moment. Turning off our judgment (including judging ourselves for our self-judgment) and aligning with out heart, we can then treat everything just as information. That way, our self-doubt and tendency to compare show us where the inner opportunities exist for expansion and personal growth. And with that mindset it’s easier to have a fuller, more appreciative experience and to realize that we’re experiencing not only what is perfect but also what is ideal for us.

Photo credit:   suadoni

Working with Layers Versus Resolving an Issue all at Once

Sometimes I work with clients who have the hope or the expectation of working on something once and for that issue to be done and finished.

Whether in my group meditations or working individually with clients, I will often mention that it’s useful to think of an issue being akin to the layers of an onion. We all want to get to the root of something, but we might have to clear it in layers because we don’t have the capacity or the readiness to reach its core.

Yes, there are times when we’re able to address the whole issue, pattern, etc., because we truly are ready, and we do it and we’re finished with it. And then there are those times when we just have to work deeper and deeper, layer by layer, without judging ourselves or judging as wrong or bad that the work is gradual rather than sudden. Ultimately the pattern or the issues that we’re trying to clear may have served us up to that point in time, either as a self-protecting mechanism, or to create a sense of safety, or to hold us up or keep us alive.

If a beautiful house has rot, we don’t go rooting around and tear up the entire house, because we wouldn’t be able to live in it. The house still serves us and we can’t suddenly judge it as bad when it’s kept us alive and has been serving us. We take care of the individual boards and we maintain them, but we don’t tear everything up.

It’s the same with our healing experience. We can stay in a place of presence and joy and love and compassion, allowing ourselves to live essentially in our bodies without ripping things up or destroying the foundation. We start with an issue, and perhaps we’re able to do a minor repair or perhaps we get the entire issue or pattern all at once. It’s not I who decides what a person is ready for, and sometimes what they want to achieve with healing is greater than their whole being is ready to experience. However much we are able to clear is perfect in that moment; even if it’s a single layer that’s addressed, it doesn’t discount the progress or the transformation. We’re still lighter than when we started, and ultimately we all get to the root in our own timing. We can’t force or rush something that we’re simply unready for, and when there is full healing, we know it, because we feel a deep sense of completion of the process and an integration of all the layers.

Photo credit:   Eddi van W.